Thursday, January 31, 2013

Nate Berkus Circus.

This post is months overdue, considering that the Nate Berkus for Target line debuted in, what, late October? My sincerest apologies to the Nate Berkus fan club (which surely exists) and to Steph, who's been pestering me to give her credit.

But first, a story. Nate Berkus debuted his Target line in late October, which is right in the throws of busy season for me. That means an average of 13-hour days, a general forlorn feeling, and lots of stress-eating. In a break from my day and after seeing all the hype on different blogs, I perused the Target website and I saw many things I liked. Then I saw the sea urchins, and I needed them. Why? Because I love them. I tried to take one in St. Croix, using a stick as a crude tool and balancing precariously above the water in my wedge heels, until I saw him breathing and felt bad, so I left him in the water. It's not a story of which I'm proud, but I'm being honest here, people. The solution? A fake urchin. Nate Berkus also enlarged his urchins by about a thousand percent, so that helped, too. And sounds bad.

Immediately after work, I went to Target. It was 9:45 PM and 15 minutes before closing. I was speed-walking through the store with a mission. I found the Nate Berkus displays ravaged and missing urchins. In a panic, I was flipping through the shelves to find any sign of my babies to no avail. I flagged down an employee using way too many hand gestures and had him check for the urchins in the system. There must be some in the back that they were saving for tomorrow's crowd. No dice. He said there were a couple at the Target down the road, but knowing Alexandria traffic, even at 10 o'clock at night, and all the stop lights in between, I would never make it before closing.

I called Zach with strict instructions to not pass go and collect $200 but to go straight to Target the next day. As a human with normal working hours, it would be easy for him. I could tell that he wasn't aboard this mission, so I texted Steph as soon as I got home. Though she also didn't understand why I needed ceramic sea urchins, she'd known me for her then-21-years of existence and knew that it would be easier to comply and not ask questions than to resist. I recall this being a Wednesday.

The next day, I was so anxious. I was frantically texting Zach to see if he'd run to Target at lunch (no), if he'd stopped after work (no) and finally, if he'd text his old roommate and Target manager to reserve me an urchin (he forgot). I gave up on him, then, and focused my paranoia on Steph. She couldn't go until the weekend.

Friday, I drove to two different Targets to no avail. I was starting to feel hopeless. Then this happened:

VICTORY! I had two baby urchins, happily residing with their aunt in Kentucky. I waited not so patiently until Thanksgiving, when I was united with my two baby spike balls. I'm trying to keep this post clean.

I owe you an update on my desk, too. It's coming, I promise. It used to be a white parsons desk, if you remember.

The guys happily reside on my desk and bathroom counter, so I can see them at all times.

Then, a couple weeks ago, I was back at Target with Zach. Nate Berkus has some new items out (so if you're into towels, I saw a bunch of those, and I was lusting after some chevron sheets) and some of his original decor line. I was looking through, seeing if I needed anything and wasn't falling in love, until Zach flipped the tag of an item.


NB Aries? I needed it. I'm an Aries, and a proud one at that, and love astrology. I didn't immediately recognize the item as a ram, though. The figurines were all flipped over and on their side and the ram's head wasn't evident. I get it now.

Somehow, Zach convinced me that I didn't need to buy the Aries right then, and could continue looking for a non-scuffed ram. Like I said, the figurines were all piled around and flipped around, so all had some sort of scuff on them. I left Target sans ram. The more I thought of it that day, the more I needed the Aries. He was my mascot, and we were soul mates.

I made Zach go with me the next day. I'm also learning as I recount this story that I should not trust Zach with my Nate Berkus instincts, and maybe with my shopping instincts.

Aries now flanks the other side of my desk.

And so, my ceramic animal, and allergy friendly, army grows. The urchin has since moved, and I'll be back with those updates, soon. This may be the beginning of a ceramic animal spree.

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